If You Don’t Know Me By Now

I am sitting here in La Bodega with two of my best friends on a cool Wednesday evening listening to an excellent live band entertain the mundane lives of the citizens of Neo-Roma who have come to take a breather from the long day’s toil at work as I fork through an overpriced whipping of Caesar Cardini’s most famous dish, sipping off a glass of ice lemon tea and chatting about the weather. The service is laudable and the cute petite waitress tickles my fancy. The slices of lemon arrive at my table and I squeeze them over the salad to neutralize the salty chicken pieces. A group of young ladies sitting at the table next to us were revelling over the unfamiliar melodies of songs from around the time they were born. A gentleman politely approaches the bonny lass in the blue halter top. A brief exchange of words and soon enough he was back in his sofa seat sipping off his one yard Danish brew telling himself, “No sweat. At least I tried” while his euphoric lady friend takes humour with the situation. Shortly after, the band arrives at the end of the first session as I forked at the last piece of crouton on my plate. The lead vocalist joins us with a glass of beer and lights up a cigarette. We have casual conversation, as the bonny lass in the halter top, unwittingly listens in. A couple of passing remarks were exchanged between the debonair middle-aged vocalist and halter top. The waiter drops by to exchange the ashtray for a fresh one. An order of ice lemon tea and coffee was made. I excused myself and treaded my way to the lavatory. I get a lovely smile from the hostess as I pass the doorway. A dozen or more souls were laughing away at the high tables by the bar. I look around for familiar faces but familiarity eluded me.

I return to the table and pull out my computer to update my blog site. Michelle and Namita were not too pleased, but I have been rather busy of recent and have hence neglected my blog for sometime now. At the back of my mind, a constant concern for a certain young lady that I have only recently commenced a journey of companionship with. A lady of twenty-nine, independent, strong-willed, determined, and most of all caring, a lady with whom I have developed a deep fancy for. We had a tiff on Sunday and I have not seen her since, we only spoke briefly over the phone and her troubled voice disturbed me. There were things brewing inside her mind that eludes me, things she has chosen not to speak about. So, somewhere in between my Caesar Salad and Vijay’s flamboyant elocution with the three musketeers of Neo-Roma, I gave my lady a call and lo to my pleasant surprise she was in a chirpy mood. Her interview had gone well and she was feeling good about herself for the moment.

Just as Vijay lights up his next cigarette, it was time for the band to play their second set. So he takes several quick puffs and he was off to the mic. They start off with a slow number from Lionel Ritchie, followed with another slow one from Simply Red. One of my favourites, “If You Don’t Know Me By Now” – a song that always stir me deep and often makes me wonder about how my relationship with the people around me has been. It’s a song with a deep meaning that many have heard but few have listened to. As the lead vocalist sings the lines, I reminisce on my past – relationships that have long become history and had moulded me much into the person I am today.

All the things, That we've been through
You should understand me, Like I understand you

How we tried to understand each other.
One might think that after going out with someone for many years you may know them. Unfortunately this seems almost as rare as seeing live pandas in the wild. Too often I encounter relationships that lack the basic level of understanding, relationships that have reached a comfort level where blindness takes over logic as frustrations seeps in and takes over the relationship like moss.

Cos we only act like children
When we argue fuss and fight

And then the arguments start and it continues because it was never resolved and it goes on and on until we forget what we started fighting for. We say things we don’t mean and overreact towards each other’s actions even when the intentions are true and noble, we overreact.

We've all got our
Own funny moods
I've got mine,
Woman you've got yours too

We forget that we began as individuals from different experiences, likes and dislikes. We have each had our share of happiness and pain that altered our perception of thing that are, things that were and things to be. What was once a painful experience, we now laugh it off and what was once an idyllic memory can now bring tears to our eyes. Yes, we’ve all got our own funny moods.

Just trust in me like I trust in you

What pains me the most in my relationships was the lack of trust, and how can trust be built if we don’t first communicate with each other, and that my friend is the foundation of a relationship. The root word of communication is “commune” – to be intimately receptive, to share and to live with each other. Acceptance. Yes acceptance of each other’s nature – thoughts, believes, likes, dislikes, fears, and everything that makes each and every one of us who we are. We need to share these things with each other instead of separating them as these are the very fabric of our being, past present and future. Take the water away from the boat and it is no longer a boat.

As long as we've been together
It should be so easy to do,

Not as easy as it sounds. In fact most people I know would rather a car wreck over communication. The sight of a bar brawl is ever more interesting than listening to our partner’s dreams and desires. The displacement of 1.6 million live and the death of over 180,000 strangers, thousands of miles away worried our tiny little brains to sleep for months but we cannot spend thirty minutes of our time to listen to the person we say we love.

What good is a love affair
When you can't see eye to eye

I just want to say to the people that I love, particularly my darling, my sweetheart, my rose – I cannot love you if I don’t know you. I cannot know you if you don’t let me listen. I cannot listen if you don’t talk. And you cannot talk with your mouth closed. Your past is yours to keep and cherish and regret and so is mine. Each day of the past can build us or destroy us. That choice is entirely up to each and every one of us for the present and the future has nothing to do with the past unless we take it along on our backs. Everyday of our lives is a present from God and that is just why it is called the “present”. Each sunrise and each sunset is God’s message to us reminding us that it is a new day. So stop, and smell the roses. As for the future, who is to say?

If we are to have a relationship, let us embrace each other’s past and know that if it were not to have existed we may never have met. Let us greet each morning with the love and knowledge that we are still alive with yet another second chance. And finally let us build a future together – family, friends and lovers. Our future is ours and ours alone to make.

The choices have always been in our hands.